A crowded cafeteria. White spots in the vision afterwards.

Boredom.

She was looking at her friends talking over lunch talking something. She asked herself if she was having problems with memory these days that recent events seem too vague as if they’d happened too long ago. Is it her body confused from all that chemical imbalance induced from all that frequent drinking lately? She wondered lazily.

She had difficulty in breathing well… a sort of suffocation as if she was depressed. She wondered why she was overcome with such intense a bout of boredom. Was it a craving? The precursor to habitual addiction? She tightened her lips while her mind drifted into a resolution to try and restrict drinking only to friday nights.

She was woken up from her reverie from the natural change of scenes as notified by her vision, being in a busy workplace cafeteria. She was amused how visual notifications can also wake a person from a day dream, the eyes being open unlike that of a sleep dream. She lifted her head and looked around , lips still tight , releasing a breath that she didn’t know she was holding. People talking. Flirting. The happiness in the faces of people as in from a tinge of adventure of the attempts at being casually unfaithful. Her mind drifted again into its dark miserable existence. She had a fear for such tendencies exhibited by people. Wondered if her love of life felt a similar sense of adventure and happiness when he tried to play what he wanted to be just a casual attempt at what many pass of as fun. Was he a weak heart? Or was it a physical need for variety in living? Wondered why such memories remain so etched unlike the rest. Questions she feared would remain unanswered to her grave. Grave. She feared old age. Wished she died young.

“Alamel!!”, she heard Karthik shouting, “Come, lets go back, its been too long a lunch break”

Karthik. Hmmmm. Somebody cares. She felt important. Wondered when her human nature would conveniently choose to forget such good done by him. She despised human nature.

“Alamel, how are you feeling after all that happened yesterday night?”

Yesterday. She strained to remember. Felt very odd why she was so forgetful lately.

Distributed storage. She broke a smile as the phrase occurred in her mind. She always believed that human beings don’t really have to remember anything, because of their abilities to social interactions and utilization of tools, information could be stored in different places or in people. She always performed malpractice in exams with small pieces of paper, following the very same philosophy. At this point she reasoned to retrieve aid from his memories.

“Karthik”, she lazed to outsource reminiscence, “I only remember the part were we got drunk too much and while we were driving back, you wanted this chewing gum…. which I took from my pocket…. and it fell down…… and I was distracted from driving, and I nearly hit a garbage truck… ha ha.. It was so dangerously adventurous. Cant remember a thing. How did you people sneak me into my room without waking that crazy landlord?”

“Ha ha.. interesting… funny how physical abuse can affect the mind so much”

“Oh-no. Not another complex metaphysical discourse. At least, not in my dazed mindset.”

“What? Are you kidding me? I was just joking about getting back to work after the break. Wondered if you’d subconsciously walk back to our workplace when I said that. You see, I’m experimenting with this new thing we are into”

“Hmm. I guess I’d so much to drink yesterday; I can’t even decode your surreal jokes. Can you believe it? So you meant the bill? I thought you’d paid, I was about to ask you that anyway”

“Alamel…this is going to take a real while getting used to. Lets see how lost you are. Try and answer this totally simple, non-surrealistic, general awareness question.”

“Okay, shoot. But don’t ask me who the vice president of India is. I hope you know I don’t really read news papers that much”

“Hmm”, he shrugged, “it’s a much simpler question actually.” He’d a sudden strange concern in his tone and expression with the brows, as if he was a doctor about to inform his patient about childbirth or death, “What do you think you are now?”

R: “Hey.. look over there, thats Beauty!”
N: Shrugs.. “you’ve bestial tastes pal…”
R: hah.. “Well.. maybe you got it wrong, but then her real name is Beauty”
N: hmm “theres still hope for you…”

following this conversation, I (R) happened to meet with a videographer who is into local tv serials, but direly aspires to be a world class movie maker. it was a day with a topic on beauty (more…)

Let me quote from the movie
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He was basically referring to life’s difficulties and that the wings of wax symbolizes our hopes, our aspirations, the dreams,the illusions; and we search for the sun. That is the truth. But the irony is that, if we ever actually find the sun, the wax will melt and we fall like Icarus, but we still are on that quest. Icarus represents the metaphysical rebellion within us, like he himself put it.
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